A specific song has been residing in my thoughts this period, and it's not, it is not from Taylor Swift's recent album. It is sung by a far more refined composer: Ms Rachel. The song is called Big Feelings and its message state: “Big feelings are OK / I’m here to stay with your big feelings.”
The Rise of Strong Emotions On Social Media
Due to the movement for mindful parenting, the idea of “big feelings” has become profitable online, and generally I welcome that. As a parent, strong emotions are difficult to escape: you're feeling them, the little one in your household is having them and, in one of the biggest changes for us as a society, so are countless other children on your online platforms.
Indeed, videos of toddlers and children crying is so widespread on various platforms that a lot of parents accept it without thought. I don't have TikTok and my Instagram suggestions is mostly fixated on soup and the occult, but when a colleague expressed that she thought the phenomenon alarming, not to mention ethically questionable, I observed some of the recordings myself.
What I Found: Kids at Their Most Vulnerable
What I discovered was video after video of children at their most fragile. Sobbing, screaming, shrieking, and sometimes acting out. I have of course been present to these moments in my own home, but seeing another person's child experiencing it feels deeply unsettling, notably when that child is not receiving solace by their own parent. Least forgivable is a category of video in which mothers put their children to nasal suction while their infant or young child weeps and shouts directly to camera. It must be noted that the majority of the videos are not like that, and yet there is still something horrible about them all.
In Cases Where Big Feelings Do Not Become Distressing
Naturally, “big feelings” are not always wholly distressing. When your child is lying on the ground distraught at the discovery that cake isn't infinite it can be challenging to remain serious. Numerous of us have been told tales of especially unforgettable outbursts of our own. One of mine featured shouting “GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY!” in the foyer of the a cultural center in the heart of the city. Playfully teasing your child about a instance they had a tantrum, or laughing about it with your partner once they have fallen asleep, is acceptable. Recording a child in a moment of vulnerability and sharing it to the online world for all to see without their consent is a separate issue altogether.
Unpleasant Trends and Embarrassment
Additionally you have the phenomena that are just disturbing, such as a challenge that involved surprising babies into silence by tossing a processed food at their faces, or dropping an egg on them. Such content appears geared towards humiliating children. In a piece for the a newspaper, a journalist commented: “The strangest part of these videos [is that] the parents are hardly interacting with their kids. Instead they are responding to a online representation of their children that they are sharing online. And they are enjoying their power over that image.”
The Explanation of Teachability
A number of video makers who would abhor such content. They claim that they are recording their children at their most exposed not to ridicule them, but because they are attempting to develop learning opportunities – “see how serenely and effectively I was able to resolve this child’s outburst using these techniques”. A few even aim to avoid certain criticism. “This video is published to inform and raise awareness – not for support or opinions”, an example, uploaded by an account managed by a child doctor, apparently states. The statement that ensues is some of the most self-congratulatory foolishness I have seen on the internet. “If you haven't experienced the life, avoid judging the moment.”
A Challenge of Responsibility
What if you refrain from sharing the moment? I can't help but ask. Because I do judge these people. The impression I get, when I observe a video of a little one in anguish, whether their parent is demonstrating reassurance or not, is a dereliction of duty – the duty to be engaged for your child. And I wonder what message it communicates, where when your child begins showing a “big feeling”, you get your phone out. How does that reflect to your baby about their wholly natural emotions? “Sharing real moments is part of the learning”, apparently.
Reflections on Modern Upbringing
As my partner and I commence exploring schools for our son, it’s challenging not to consider how strategies to child development have changed since we were young. There is an enhanced awareness of the fact that “big feelings” are normal for little ones. Nowadays numerous adults try to validate those emotions and provide children a safe space in which to share their feelings. Yet despite what the online advisors state, I don’t believe you can really give a protected setting for your child if you are recording their times of weakness and invading their privacy and self-respect in the act. If I’m honest, I cannot see these people have a great deal to teach any of us about parenting.
A Closing Thought
A few people who will consider that harsh, who would balk at the fact that in some ways I’d prefer put a cheese slice on my child's face for a laugh than exploit his distress as a educational instance for clicks. But to them I would respond this: if “every action is communication”, what, specifically, are these caregivers trying to say?