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Bog Standard

Toilet humor has always been the safe haven in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful to significant toilet tales and milestones, notably connected to soccer. What a delight it was to discover that a prominent writer Adrian Chiles owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet within his residence. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and had to be saved from an empty Oakwell stadium post-napping in the lavatory during halftime of a 2015 loss versus the Cod Army. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers at the pinnacle of his career with Manchester City, the controversial forward popped into a local college to access the restrooms during 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired directions to the restrooms, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with the Manchester Evening News. “After that he was just walking through the school acting like the owner.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams motivated, the two stars urging for the official to reason with Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to save the circumstance.

“Where on earth could we find [for a chat] that was private?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his tenure as national coach “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly in the quarter of a century since. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for women's football cup news regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, top sportspeople, examples, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What does a name matter? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I've chosen to type and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|